Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
