today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Terrible idea I love it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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