I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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