i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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