i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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