I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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