If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
