I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
