I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
