There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
