I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize