Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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