thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
