"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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