dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
