Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize