I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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