Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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