when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
