I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
