I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
BRING THE BAGELS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize