eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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