I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
