Need sex. Gaining weight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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