My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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