dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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