He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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