for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
