I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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