did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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