If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
