i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize