I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
