come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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