they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Even my vagina gasped.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My feet surprised me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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