I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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