Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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