someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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