What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
