i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
