No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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