Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, beer. Big fan.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
