Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize