i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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