something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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