Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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