I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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