After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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