I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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