I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
