Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
