Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
