Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
