his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
foreskin is a definite game changer
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
