One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
