did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
