i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's blow job season.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
