I cannot find my penis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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