My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
