I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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