He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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