you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize