I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
