I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
