i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
