Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
