You really coming over, don't trick.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
