I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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