he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize