the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
