Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
