I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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