question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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