I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
