there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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