I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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