you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
