he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
