the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
