how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
whose parrot is this?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
