Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
