I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
In America we eat man semen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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