dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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