you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
