Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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