it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
