I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
