But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
