I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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