ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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