would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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