Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
