You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
