just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
