I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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