4 words: hood of his car
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
