Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
