I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
