I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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