He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
