They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I believe in your delicious
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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